


Third Time's a Charm

by LiterallyAmazingPhan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction, phanfic, pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 18:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6918655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiterallyAmazingPhan/pseuds/LiterallyAmazingPhan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The three times Dan’s been in love and the one time it was true love and, thus, lasting. A fluffy piece of fiction based on a formspring answer from the early days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Third Time's a Charm

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! It’s been a while! Have this fic as an apology for dropping off the face of the writing world for way too long. I blame my stupid brain for the long absence, but I wish I had a cool reason (besides depression lol that’s fun!). Yeah anyway, I’d like to thank my friend @goldfishsunglasses (tumblr) for encouraging me through the awful writer’s block. You rock, Katie, thank you so much! I can’t wait to read your fic as well. ^_^  
> (Also posted on my tumblr)

_It felt like love the first time._

Dan felt his hands sweating as the feeling of tiny butterflies attacking his stomach rose out of nowhere whenever he looked at her. She seemed perfect with her nerdy glasses and sweet perfume. She smelled like happiness mixed with sweet strawberries and it felt like too much for his very young heart to take. When he kissed her - his first kiss, - she tasted like fruity chapstick and he thought he’d like to kiss her many more times.

Rejection struck when he tried to approach her a second time the following day and she just laughed at his compliment and scoffed at him. She eyed his scrawny body up and down and left with her friends, all the while they all laughed at the idea of her ever wanting anything from someone like him. She stepped on his heart and walked away, pretending it never even happened.

His unrequited feelings felt like something was amiss. Something within himself that just wasn’t good, wasn’t enough for her.

The warm tears that hit his pillowcase later that night also tasted like bitter rejection.

* * *

_The second time he supposed it had to be love… Right?_

It was all exactly the way it was supposed to go: she was a beautiful girl with a strong personality, who fit perfectly right next to him. She liked to kiss him deeply until they were both breathless. She had a lovely laugh and giggled a lot whenever he said something amusing. Her eyes held a lot of intelligence, even though most of the time she opted to act silly instead. Except for the moments when she didn’t, the serious moments when it was clear how smart she really was. He admired that about her too.

Dan loved the feeling of her hands going through his hair when they kissed. He loved the feeling of her soft curves against his body when they were pressed on top of each other on the sofa. He loved how perceptive she was and how her hands knew how to work him up into a frenzy. She was his first sexual experience as well and damn did he love the way her body turned him on.

Dan also loved the way his family smiled at seeing him with a girl, relief written plainly on their expression when he introduced her and they knew she was real. They all had their doubts about his sexuality, he knew, especially with how lonely he’s always been. It made his stomach turn to contemplate the relief shining in their eyes.  It still felt good to make his parents proud somehow, despite his knowing for a while about his attraction to boys. He could keep his sexuality as his own shameful secret for as long as he had her. He guessed he loved that about their relationship too.

He just didn’t love _her_

He tried really hard to feel anything, in vain. She picked up on that after a while. She loved him, though, so she kept trying.

Dan, who was in love with the idealized vision of a perfect relationship, did all he could to pretend and keep up the appearances. He held her hand and held doors open for her. He kissed her deeply and murmured sweet nothing in her ear in the dead of night, feeling sick to his stomach at the emptiness deep inside.

And she loved him. In fact, she loved him so much she let him go with a smile, tears in her eyes as she realized she had to set him free.

This time all Dan could feel was relief. Frustrated, he wondered what was missing inside him that didn’t allow him to love her, when there was nothing he wanted more in this world than to reciprocate her feelings. When she was so eager to love him, but he just couldn’t bring himself to feel the same. He couldn’t help but wonder if she felt the same way he did when he was first rejected and that thought hurt too much to dwell on.

* * *

_Then, his real second time happened: slowly but surely, he fell in love with her._

It was a slow burn, something different. Dan dared to think this time it was special, as they spent more and more time together and he felt something growing inside him. Maybe it wasn’t proper love yet, but he felt something real for the first time, something that was more than his childhood crush and heartbreak. Something about her was unique and he wanted to figure her out more than anything else. She went way beyond his expectations and he felt like perhaps she was there to stay.

He thought they were happy for a long time, as their relationship continued and they grew closer and closer. Dan felt like this was it for him: he had found the one, certainly, if he felt something special and new for her. She was growing on him in a different way than anyone else ever had before, and Dan knew now that whatever defect didn’t allow him to love his previous girlfriend, it was most certainly fixed now, as he fell hard for her.

And fall he did, not even stopping to contemplate the reality that was about to hit him. Dan fell in love with that girl. He’d do anything to spend as much time as possible alongside her.

Until he realized _she didn’t love him back._

Until he realized he had to let her go, just like his previous girlfriend had done to him.

Teary eyes and a loving smile, he learned the hard way that loving sometimes meant letting them go to their dream college, far away from you. Love meant, in that case, not trying to tie her down by keeping this relationship any longer, as he gazed into her eyes on a skype call from miles and miles away and saw no feeling shining into them. As he realized that maybe the feeling was never there to begin with.

Loving her meant letting her go and seeing the relief in her eyes, the same he felt all that long ago. Loving her meant he blamed himself for the breakup, feeling like something was broken inside of him that made him impossible be loved.

Or else she would have loved him, just like he loved her. She’d never have broken his heart if he was worthy of the love he gave her.

Wasn’t irony just a bitch?

* * *

_The third time started as a harmless internet crush and took a turn._

He was the most incredible boy Dan had ever seen. His eyes sparkled with such intelligence and creativity and pure childish joy that just listening to his video rambles made his heart race. He was funny, charming and downright flirty most of the time. He had so much personality, Dan felt like he could drown in it. They shared a lot of interests and it was hard not to notice how much they had in common already, without even exchanging a word with each other.

It was nothing but a weird crush on a boy who would never notice him, too far away to actually be harmful in any way or emotionally involve him like his previous girlfriend did.

Dan could safely harbor his crush on the boy with a heart of gold who lived so far away without getting his feelings hurt by his unrequited feelings yet again. It was not like it would ever become anything else, so he fantasized about all the sexual things he could only dream of, the boy’s hands all over his body, as Dan moaned to himself, imagining his deep voice whispering in his ears as he came undone.

It could never be and Dan knew it better than anyone. It kept him safe from opening up again and getting hurt. He knew that something deep inside, some twisted up part of him repeated over and over that he couldn’t love and be loved, and a crush on an unattainable guy was the best he could do, really. Of course, it didn’t hurt that he was the most gorgeous and interesting person he’s ever come across before, that was just a lovely bonus to the entire situation.

That is, until a DM notification popped up under the name of AmazingPhil and his heart threatened to give out on him for a few dangerous seconds, as he stared in shock at his computer screen.

_What do I do now?_

* * *

_The third time Dan felt something akin to love, he wouldn’t allow himself to fall for it._

You see, he was hurt. There was a huge part of him that was still hurt from the end of his previous relationship, for the way her feelings _just weren’t there._ Maybe he had just fooled himself into believing he was lovable at all. Maybe it was nothing but a sick game life was playing on him, putting this boy on his path just so he would once again get shot down for feelings he couldn’t help but harbor.

He refused to feel. They were flirty and a little bit too friendly over social media, but Dan never allowed himself to believe it would ever be anything more. Phil was a great friend, beyond the internet crush. He was there to listen, he _cared_. And that was already more than Dan could ask for. He wouldn’t ruin it, couldn’t bring himself to let the feelings take over this once. It was too important, too special to put on the line.

Phil made it impossible not to love him. He was caring and kind, funny and attentive, extremely nice and shared lots of interests with Dan. He would stay up all night on skype talking about anything and everything. He would listen to Dan crying about his family and he would do his best to comfort him whenever Dan felt like he couldn’t bring himself to face the day. He was compassionate and loving and so much more than the AmazingPhil he had a crush on. The real Phil, the one he was beginning to love, was also shy and his laugh was extremely cute. Something about the way he smiled made Dan’s insides feel like goo.

He found himself wanting nothing else but to hold Phil on his arms. He wanted to feel his hand on his own and walk around with him. He wanted to go to the many places they’ve ever dreamt of going to, but this time together. He wanted to be next to him and really feel him there, not only a face through a screen. Dan’d often cry to himself at night whenever he thought about it, how special Phil had became in his life in such a short amount of time.

_It isn’t fair! It just isn’t!_ He said he wasn’t going to let himself fall in love! He couldn’t mess it up! It was too much… He’d never know how many of their flirty jokes Phil actually meant. Actually, he wasn’t sure which ones he himself meant either.

_He didn’t love Phil! He didn’t!_ He couldn’t… What if Phil didn’t even see him like that? He was nothing but a fan, maybe he didn’t even mean that much to Phil at all!

He would never be worthy. He was broken, he didn’t do love. Not after the previous experiences.

And yet here he was: crying because Phil didn’t call him one night and didn’t reply to any of his texts like he usually did. He couldn’t get it out of his mind: Phil was probably hooking up with someone if he was ignoring him like that. And the thought that it wasn’t him made him nauseous. All he wanted was to be Phil’s everything, just like Phil had claimed his place as his everything.

Hugging his pillow, tears once again soaking it, Dan adamantly repeated to himself that he could not love Phil Lester.

* * *

_The third time left him bewildered and breathless, looking for a way to escape the ever growing feeling in his chest._

He didn’t even know when it actually happened. One day he was skyping Phil like usual, he couldn’t even recall the exact situation. Maybe he made a joke or something. All he remembered was the way Phil’s eyes lit up with something different, somehow special. It was something Dan hadn’t seen directed at him in quite a long time. He was used to Phil’s laughter at this point, but his eyes looked soft and loving in a way that made Dan squirm and something inside him come alight.

“Hey, Dan?” Phil said, his deep voice affecting the boy more than usual.

“Y-yeah?” He asked, unsure if whatever he was seeing was really there.

“It’s… Ummm,” he paused, and Dan thought he saw him blush but he couldn’t be sure through the pixelated call, “err… It’s… Nothing!” His voice was rising in pitch, a sign of his nerves.

Dan knew he was lying. He knew there was something. He just shot Phil a not-so convinced look and opened his mouth to complain.

He was cut short by Phil babbling something about having to sleep and ending their call, leaving a dumbfounded Dan staring at his screen.

_Could it mean…?_

Phil didn’t mention it at all for a long while. He was starting to think his mind made up the entire thing by then, when one of their late-night texting sections took a weird turn and Dan found himself sweating, legs bouncing nervously as he waited for Phil to type a reply. His last message read: “Dan, we need to talk”

From: Dan  
To: Phil

What? Something happen?

From: Phil  
To: Dan

Not yet.

From: Dan  
To: Phil

Wat?

From: Phil  
To: Dan

Wanna tell u something but I was too scared to do it on camera but i don’t wanna do it on text either cause that’s lame and I wanna be cool.

Dan chuckled at the message, shaking his head.

From: Dan  
To: Phil

Phil, you missed the looking cool train so long ago i dont even remember. just say it already.

Silence. No text back. Dan’s leg was bouncing, his heart was threatening to give out at any second. He contemplated how desperate he would sound by double-texting, before he just told himself to suck it up and messaged him again.

From: Dan  
To: Phil

Literally about to have a heart attack while you sit there ignoring me :/

From: Dan  
To: Phil

Phil????

From: Dan  
To: Phil

Ok, fine, u ass. :(

He just threw himself on his bed, sighing, heart going crazy inside his chest and anxious feelings making his stomach churn. Why was Phil being so difficult? He was so nervous now, why would he rile him up and leave him hanging there with no answer? Dan couldn’t deny that he was annoyed by his behavior, but also slightly worried. Maybe something was wrong? Did he do something? Oh God, why would Phil not tell him?

The phone vibrated on his hand, his heart jumping along with it. He propelled himself back to a sitting position, unlocking the phone to check the message.

From: Phil  
To: Dan

Gonna call you on skype now.

Dan jumped from the bed, running to his computer just as the call started to ring. He took a second to calm his frantic heart and decided it was futile to even try, answering the call.

“Phil, what the fuck were you doing ignoring me like that? Jesus Christ, I was having a million heart attacks over here,” Dan whined as soon as his best friend’s face popped up onscreen.

“Dan,” Phil interrupted, smirking a little bit at him through the screen. His eyes were slightly averted from Dan’s face, making the boy frown, “I… Hmmm… I wanna ask you something?”

“Do you?” he replied, raising his eyebrows in suspicion.

“Yeah, erm…” he was looking at his lap now and Dan was getting more nervous by the second, wishing he’d just hurry up and say it. He took a deep breath, seemingly gathering his courage, and looked up at once, “I was wondering if you’d want to… Hmmm… Meet me in person? I may have been looking at tickets and I may have decided I really want to buy them for you. That is if you want them. If you don’t then we don’t have to I just thought…”

“Oh, wow,” Dan interrupted Phil’s anxious rant, even though he himself was quite speechless. His heart sunk a bit, since this didn’t seem to be going the direction he thought (well, hoped) for it to go. He swallowed hard, blushing at his foolishness, “Y-yeah… That sounds nice! I’d just have to convince my parents, if that’s okay?”

“Your parents? Oh, yeah, right,” Phil laughed, humorlessly, “Yeah, you should probably get their permission, yeah,” he paused again, looking down at his lap again. Was he… Blushing? Dan felt so confused! “Hmm, I… I really like you, Dan. I’d love to spend some time with you,” he finally looked up, seemingly even more nervous, “my parents will be out so I thought it would work out well… You know, for us to properly meet and stuff” hesitant blue eyes met Dan’s through the screen.

Dan’s throat was dry and his heart was jumping around on his chest. _Did he mean..? Wait, what did he mean?_

“Sure, yeah, so you can murder me with no one there to witness it,” he joked, immediately wanting to cringe and hit himself on the face. _You’re ruining it, Dan!_

“Ohhh, well if you’re not comfortable with being alone we can just do it another time then,” Phil said, quite fast, wide-eyed. That was the most uncomfortable conversation he’s EVER had with Phil and it was filling him with dread. _What was even happening?_ Felt like a lot of things were being left unsaid.

“I’m joking, you dingus,” Dan laughed to break off the tension, “I’d love to meet you. Alone in your house and… Stuff,” he giggled, covering his mouth. Phil’s eyes started to shine soon after he said that, laugh running through his body as he covered his mouth. Still a bit nervous, then.

“Oookay,” he replied, now smiling widely, “I like the sound of that!”

The conversation went back to normal soon after. But Dan’s heart was still conflicted: _Did that mean what I think it meant? What do I do? I don’t wanna lose this, this is too important to me now._

* * *

_The third time knocked him off his feet and he didn’t really know how to react._

It all felt like a surreal dream, every sense heightened. The colors too vivid, the sounds too loud. His voice too perfect, without the interference from electronic devices. His grip just right as he nudged him towards their seats. His eyes too blue, too gentle all the while too electric and alive, buzzing with nervous energy. Phil seemed restless, leg bouncing a bit too violently without him realizing. Even then, he gave off this aura about him that captured Dan’s attention in a way not even the cameras could perfectly relay before. Not that he wasn’t fascinated by Phil before, it was just more intense now. Everything felt more real and exciting in new ways he was eager to figure out.

They were sat on a sofa inside starbucks with their drinks, sharing laughter that felt a bit too nervous. Their legs were pressed against each other from sitting so close, but neither of them seemed to mind the closeness after so long without being able to touch. In fact, they seemed to find every excuse to be touching somehow and it didn’t feel awkward, surprisingly. Dan pressed closer to Phil’s side and he could have sworn he saw his lips tug up a bit, even though his brow furrowed in confusion for a second before smoothing out. Phil stared at him questioningly and shook his head with a smile, putting his arm over Dan’s shoulders. Frankly, he was just hoping the heat on his face didn’t mean he was blushing or at least that it wasn’t visible in that lighting. Determinedly, Dan looked at his own jeans, seemingly fascinated by the fabric. Anything not to have to face Phil right now with nervousness bubbling up on his stomach.

When he was brave enough to look at Phil again, contemplating the sudden silence, he found him with his phone on his hand, focused on typing something. Dan didn’t really mean to be a little shit, but he did want to check what Phil was doing that seemed to be more interesting than talking to him. So he got impossibly closer, hair tickling Phil’s neck as he leaned on him to look at the screen.

“What are you doing?” Dan complained with a slight pout.

“Tweeting,” was all the reply he got, Phil not even sparing him a glance.

Sulking a bit at the noncommittal response, Dan took it upon himself to see the tweet. Glancing at the screen, the text under the familiar twitter handle read:

“Starbucks with dan :]”

Holding himself together not to swoon at the small and yet so heartwarming gesture, Dan stilled for a second, contemplating his next move. It might be meaningless for some people, but realizing that Phil, the guy he looked up to for so long, felt like this one moment in time they were sharing was good enough to tweet about, or even the fact that he would mention Dan with such fondness or at all felt like such a special thing, he didn’t really know how to react. He supposed he had no choice now, so he decided to look up at Phil. Their eyes met and they held each other’s gaze for a while, no words necessary. Dan felt his lips turning up in a smile, without even noticing. Phil’s seemed to mirror his and it felt so effortless. It would be so easy to reach out and end the distance between them once and for all.

But they didn’t. Heart racing and a feeling of warmth enveloping his heart, Dan rested his head on Phil’s chest, feeling himself blush and gently grabbing hold of his t-shirt, hiding his face from the world. The rumbling of Phil’s nervous laughter met his ears, along with the fast beating of his heart, just as fast as his own. The sound was like magic to Dan’s ears and he held down the need to laugh hysterically at the realization that the boy who held him on his arms felt the same way.

Before he could react, he felt his hand being pried away from Phil’s t-shirt. Instead of letting go of it, the boy just held on to it, playing with Dan’s fingers slightly, holding it with such tenderness he felt like he could cry. And he held on to Dan’s hand for the rest of the day, grabbing it whenever he could, just to feel the warmth spreading through his fingers. Neither of them wanted to ever let go.

It was in that moment, inside the starbucks on the first day they met, that Dan was finally sure. Glancing up at Phil’s flustered face, he realized that even though they were both nervous and too afraid at first, this was indeed the beginning of something beautiful, if he would only take the first step.

And that he did, kissing Phil at the ferris wheel, not a doubt in his mind this time.

You know what they say: third time’s a charm.

* * *

_The third time finally felt like true love and he swore he’d never let go._

Dan smiles as his husband snores softly on his chest, having fallen asleep in the middle of a movie marathon they were previously very eager to have. He’d be annoyed but, quite frankly, he could never be really that annoyed by anything Phil did. It was a bit infuriating at times, sure, but also sweet. Laughing softly and taking off Phil’s glasses, he stroked the soft black strands out of his eyes and hugged him close, heart still feeling as warm and cozy as the first time he laid eyes on the man he swore to love with all his heart.

“Time is catching up with you, old man,” he laughed softly at his own joke, feeling his own spine twinge in pain at the bad positioning, cursing silently at the fact that time was actually catching up to them both.

They should definitely move if they didn’t want to have a sore back the next morning.

Maybe if Dan just closed his eyes for a bit it couldn’t hurt.

The soft breathing of the warm body pressed against his lulled him to sleep with a big relaxed smile.

“You should have woke me up,” Phil groaned, stretching and hearing a lot of cracks.

“Why? Too old to sleep on the sofa, grandpa?” Dan taunted, no heat behind his words. He really wanted some coffee.

“HEY, actually shut up,” the other countered, pouting, “you know, that’s low even for you, Danny,” he mocked, using the nickname they only really used to fire up the fans, but ended up becoming an inside joke.

“Getting sensitive about our age, are we?” Dan laughed, getting up and stretching. Phil just pouted more aggressively, bottom lip quivering in fake distress, “come on, Philly, you know I don’t mean that.”

“You do, though! I won’t forgive you now,” he crossed his arms, feigning hurt.

“For fuck’s sake, it’s too early for this shit,” Dan said, hiding a smile. Phil shook his head, being a litttle shit, as usual, “what do you want, Phil?”

“A hug would be nice! And some coffee! And tidying up the kitchen for me,” he perked up immediately with a big smile as Dan rolled his eyes.

“Now you just want me to do chores for you! I’m not your housewife, you ass!” Now he was the one pouting.

“COFFEEEEEEEEE,” Phil said, impersonating a zombie and making Dan break into a fond smile, shaking his head, “Neeeeeddd cooooffffeeeee!”

“Come on, you don’t actually…” Dan paused as he saw Phil moving in his direction, with his zombie-like arms outstretched, “hey, no! What are you doing? STOP! NO!” he squealed as Phil tackled him back on the sofa, making him laugh loudly, “NO! NO, WAIT! shit! PHIIIIILLLLL!”

“Will only stop for coooffffffeeeee!!!” He yelled over Dan’s laughter, tickling anywhere he could reach.

“Shit, OK I’LL MAKE YOU SOME BLOODY COFFEE, just quit it!” Dan screamed amidst his laughing fit. He felt Phil’s lips resting on his neck and took a deep breath, eyes widening, “what are you…?” he moaned as Phil started kissing him and giving his neck little love bites, “nooo, not the neck, Phillll,” he moaned again, more sensually, head turning to give his talented mouth some working space and hips thrusting up involuntarily.

Phil gave Dan’s beautiful neck one last love bite, chuckling to himself and pulling away to admire his husband, the man he could say was definitely his. Dan’s eyes were glazed over with emotion as he stared into his eyes, a little smirk still playing on his lips. Things were so different and yet so similar to that day so many years ago, when he tackled a young Dan to the ground and nervously kissed him. The day they decided never to let go of each other. And they truly never did.

Phil dropped his weight on top of Dan, making the boy complain again, this time about his weight. He just laughed at his protests, putting his arms awkwardly around Dan’s body in a hug, kissing his neck gently and saying the words he repeated as much as he could, because he still didn’t quite believe he could say them and hear them back.

He felt Dan smile against his hair and hold him even more tightly, kissing him anywhere he could reach and echoing the words back at him, with as much feeling as he first said them years ago. Eyes watering at the thought, all he wished for was the possibility of being able to repeat them everyday for as long as he lived. It truly was the best feeling in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! After so long having the worst writer’s block EVER I’m so proud of managing to write this little piece <3 It means a lot to me and there’s a few things that relate closely to my own life in there, which is just the best! So I’ll be sappy and thank my beautiful girlfriend for everything, really, but most of all for allowing me to say the three words everyday and never get tired of them. There’s no feeling quite like that, don’t you think? ^^  
> Let me know what you thought if you read :D


End file.
